The Mess the Military Makes

Army wife- this title can be a blessing, a statement of pride, a burden, overwhelming, and miss understood. To me this title means: strength, independence, understanding, compromise, sacrifice, loneliness and pride. To say that I am a proud Army wife is an understatement. I am so grateful for the sacrifices my husband makes each day for us so that we can live in the land of the free. 

Marriage is a wonderful concept! It is a great way for two individuals who love each other to make their two lives one. To commit to being together forever. From the ring, to the dress, to the ceremony and reception it can be like a fairy tale. While some couples have the luxury to have that fairy tale life, not all do. Creating a life and a home with someone is difficult. Having to split holidays, combine or not combine finances, changing your name, etc. It is a mess and I think that is the best way to describe marriage and love in the first place… messy!

Marriage is hard on a lot of couples for a slew of reasons, and we hear about that a lot in the media, but what we do not hear a lot or recognize a lot is that marriage in the military is (from my experience) very hard.

Being a part of the military community at first sounds exciting! Moving every couple of years, which allows you to see the beautiful country we live in (some even get to see the whole world). We receive free health insurance, we are guaranteed a consistent income, and extra money for housing/bills. But the more I think about it, those are the only true and consistent benefits of being in the military community. 

What we do not see or understand when we join the military community, is the lonely nights, weeks, and months. Having to explain a thousand different times that you cannot plan trips and visits months in advance since schedules change every two minutes until the day before a day or weekend off. It is having to go solo to weddings, having to meet new friends and build a new community every couple of years. It is finding out who you are in one location, just to learn your moving in six months. And if you are the lucky few, who get to have your soldier home regularly- it's acknowledging that while they are physically with you, their head is normally at work thinking about what happened that day, or mentally preparing for what is to come tomorrow. 

Being in the military community is not for the faint of heart. As a spouse who KNEW who she was as an individual before getting married, I cannot stress enough when I say that you HAVE to do something for yourself. It is so easy to get lost in being so and so's wife and doing all the household things, but if you do not have something for yourself, you can easily find yourself lost. Whether that is joining a gym, a book club, going to spouse meet ups, getting a job, etc. When I say you have to find something for yourself, it does not have to be a full time job. I mean find something that you enjoy outside of your house and your spouse. For me, finding friends through my job that were not military affiliated was wonderful! 

I pride myself in my work. When we moved to Texas, I found a company that I enjoyed working for. It got me out of the house each day and allowed me to have social interaction with people other than my dog. It gave me a sense of purpose, and I would not take that time back for anything. This made the transition from moving from my home state and close to my family so much easier. Then, when my husband was gone for eight months on deployment I was able to keep myself distracted by going to work everyday. 

Instead of sitting around missing him and waiting for him to come home, I chose to focus on myself. I got in the best shape I had ever been. I took trips, and explored the beautiful state of Texas. I made the best of our time apart by continuing to live my life. I did not put everything on hold and wait for my life to begin when my husband returned. For a long time, I think that type of determination and thought is what made us have such a strong relationship. We needed to be strong separately to be strong together. I believe this is true for any relationship or marriage. The two individuals need to be able to know who they are individually to be able to bring forth the best version of themselves to their relationship. 

When I first got married, I was determined to have my own individual identity. I have always felt strongly about this in any relationship. It is important to know who you are and to follow your dreams. It is easy to get lost in the roles that we play in our day to day lives. Wife, mom, employee, friend, daughter, sibling, etc, but behind all of those roles and the load of responsibilities that come with them, who are you?

Who am I? That is a great question- and one that I truly wish that I could answer. Three years ago my life changed in the best way possible- I became a mom! Since then, I feel like I have slowly been losing all the things that I used to love about me. My motivation for a career, exercise, being creative, adventuring, having fun, etc. My whole world revolves around a little boy who I adore. But when I take that all away what am I left with? I am left feeling empty with no real direction on what I want to do with my life or who I want to be. 

How does one find their passion for more when their biggest dream has already come true?

Until next time friends,

XOXO