Today was hard.
Today I was not at my best.
Today I am ready for preschool.
Today I am exhausted.
Today I really wanted to quit.
I was not calm.
I lost my temper.
I yelled.
I cried.
We talked.
We prayed.
We apologized.
We hugged.
We moved on.
Raising a strong willed boy has been way more challenging than I ever imagined it to be. He is curious about everything, and thinks he is older than he really is. So he likes to think he can be independent and go/do whatever he wants. Because of this, he does not listen. I have tried to be understanding, and work through it with him, but today we hit a breaking point. I yelled and lost my cool with him. I felt bad right after, but I am just so frustrated with this stage. I tried to be understanding as we were in surroundings, had not been outside or played as much yet, and we were out of our “normal-ish” routine. I really tried, but Satan caught my heart and I let him win in that moment. I walked away (we were home by this point) and let us each cool down for a couple of minutes so we could each feel our feelings and process what happened.
After a couple of minutes, I joined him in the living room and we talked about what happened. We prayed about it together, and then I asked for a hug. He climbed on my lap, then without me even saying anything first he said, “I love you mama!” Yes- cue the tears and the melting of my heart. It is moments like this that make the hard moments just disappear and are a reminder that every day with him is completely worth it. He is my oldest, so I am still learning how to parent in these kinds of moments. Him and I are growing and learning how to handle each new stage in life together. Some days are going to be easy, some days are going to be hard, but every day will always be worth it.
A good friend of mine who is a police officer's wife once told me, “You will be his (my sons) constant. Dad will already miss a lot because of his type of work. You are going to be the one that is there for everything.” That stuck hard with me, and really made me think hard about deciding not to go back to work full time. My husband is in the Army which means crazy and unpredictable days, deployments, training, schools, etc. All to say, a lot of his job requires him to be physically away from our family. That made me realize that since dad was going to miss a lot, I HAD to be there for everything.
I am blessed to be able to stay at home with my two boys. I know not all families are able to do that, but being able to be with them through all of these stages; the good, bad, ugly, they will all be worth it when they are 18 and I am sending them off to discover who they want to be. I will know that I was there for it at all, and I was able to prepare them to change the world.
So friends, next time you are having a hard moment with your kids (or even a friend, or spouse) pray about it. Give your anxieties, frustrations, concerns, and feelings to God. Lean on him when all else fails and he will be there to guide you. He has his arms wide open waiting for you, so lean in, give thanks, and give praise!
Until next times friends,
XOXO